1 00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:09,510 Tonight. 2 00:00:09,578 --> 00:00:12,397 Hugh Grant stars in our reasonably-priced car 3 00:00:13,587 --> 00:00:15,992 and is the new Audi TT any good? 4 00:00:16,102 --> 00:00:18,633 We find out by playing golf. 5 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,862 Hello and welcome! 6 00:00:31,311 --> 00:00:32,311 Thank you for that! 7 00:00:33,927 --> 00:00:34,927 Thank you. 8 00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:36,610 Now. 9 00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:38,949 Now as I'm sure you know... 10 00:00:40,142 --> 00:00:41,168 As I'm sure you know, 11 00:00:41,192 --> 00:00:45,459 James May is the slowest man in the entire world. 12 00:00:45,933 --> 00:00:48,100 By the time he sets off anywhere normally his 13 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:49,907 hair has grown another inch. 14 00:00:49,931 --> 00:00:51,797 So, plainly, 15 00:00:52,194 --> 00:00:55,234 He was the ideal man to try and max 16 00:00:55,352 --> 00:00:58,453 the fastest car in the world. 17 00:01:03,747 --> 00:01:06,397 "Vlad the impaler" is back. 18 00:01:12,137 --> 00:01:14,170 Last year, the mighty Bugatti Veyron 19 00:01:14,194 --> 00:01:17,013 starred in our greatest Top Gear Challenge ever 20 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:20,665 when it raced an air-plane across the continent. 21 00:01:24,528 --> 00:01:26,864 In that film, Jeremy talked endlessly about 22 00:01:26,888 --> 00:01:30,968 the Veyron's ferocious power, and its incredible top speed. 23 00:01:31,848 --> 00:01:33,642 But because he was on public road 24 00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:35,885 he had to stick to the speed limit. 25 00:01:36,004 --> 00:01:37,004 Hahahaha.. 26 00:01:40,664 --> 00:01:43,701 But today, we're not going to talk about it. 27 00:01:44,006 --> 00:01:44,875 We are going to do it. 28 00:01:45,019 --> 00:01:47,790 We're going to take the fastest production car in the world 29 00:01:47,825 --> 00:01:49,260 up to its top speed. 30 00:01:53,583 --> 00:01:57,331 That top speed is 253 mph. 31 00:01:58,011 --> 00:02:00,195 Much faster than a formular 1 car. 32 00:02:05,527 --> 00:02:07,340 And when you think that the Veyron has 33 00:02:07,364 --> 00:02:10,278 air-bags, air-conditioning, a stereo, a boot 34 00:02:10,302 --> 00:02:12,985 and all the other stuff F1 cars aren't burdened with. 35 00:02:13,256 --> 00:02:16,313 You realize what an increadible machine this is! 36 00:02:19,057 --> 00:02:22,674 The Veyron is about pushing the outside of the envelope. 37 00:02:22,698 --> 00:02:26,507 It's about doing things that people said just were not possible. 38 00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:29,484 This car is a sort of "Concord" moment. 39 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:35,571 Getting cars to do 155 mph frankly isn't really very difficult. 40 00:02:36,911 --> 00:02:41,491 The Veyron needs just a piffling 270 bhp to reach that speed. 41 00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:44,149 But 253! 42 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:45,873 Crikey! 43 00:02:47,159 --> 00:02:48,330 The faster you go, 44 00:02:48,354 --> 00:02:51,368 the more Mother Nature tries to hold you back. 45 00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:54,582 So to do the next 100 mph 46 00:02:54,606 --> 00:02:57,286 the 100 mhp that takes you up to 250 47 00:02:57,684 --> 00:03:01,834 needs another 730 Bhp. 48 00:03:04,595 --> 00:03:05,814 So what you end up with 49 00:03:05,857 --> 00:03:09,759 is a 16-cylinder engine with 4 turbo chargers 50 00:03:10,589 --> 00:03:13,406 producing 1001 horse power. 51 00:03:14,659 --> 00:03:16,718 And a lot of heat. 52 00:03:17,742 --> 00:03:20,219 That's why your car has 1 radiator 53 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,164 and this car has 10. 54 00:03:24,268 --> 00:03:28,375 The engineers really worried uncharted territory in this car. 55 00:03:28,399 --> 00:03:31,921 Here is an example, when they wanted to sort out the high speed dynamics. 56 00:03:32,107 --> 00:03:34,503 They went to the Sauber F1 Team and they said. 57 00:03:34,842 --> 00:03:36,802 "Do you mind awfully if we use your wind tunnel?" 58 00:03:36,848 --> 00:03:37,661 And they said. 59 00:03:37,733 --> 00:03:40,899 "Terribly sorry, but we don't go up to those speeds." 60 00:03:42,093 --> 00:03:45,301 In fact, cracking 253 mph 61 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:47,560 cause nighimare after nightmaire. 62 00:03:47,814 --> 00:03:52,984 But Bugatti insist that this 850,000 pound car can do it. 63 00:03:56,254 --> 00:04:00,495 Mind you, actually testing their bold claim is a bit of a palaver. 64 00:04:03,357 --> 00:04:05,050 This is Ehra-Lessien. 65 00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:08,688 Volkswagon's maximum security test track in Germany. 66 00:04:09,653 --> 00:04:11,397 When it was built during the cold war. 67 00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:15,605 It was delibrately sited in a no fly zone near the east German border 68 00:04:18,229 --> 00:04:22,267 in order to stop prying eyes from seeing secret prototypes. 69 00:04:25,459 --> 00:04:28,326 It has over 16 miles of private track. 70 00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:31,175 But the bit we are interested in is the main straight, 71 00:04:31,378 --> 00:04:34,466 which is a whopping 5.5 miles long. 72 00:04:36,464 --> 00:04:39,181 Although it is technically a flat and level road. 73 00:04:39,205 --> 00:04:42,673 You stand here, you can't actually see the other end 74 00:04:42,918 --> 00:04:46,175 and that's because it's following the curvature of the earth. 75 00:04:49,851 --> 00:04:51,451 But even when you've sorted the venue 76 00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:54,126 you can't just jump in the car and go. 77 00:04:57,338 --> 00:05:00,237 This is Germany, there are procedures to go through. 78 00:05:01,054 --> 00:05:02,460 I like procedures. 79 00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:09,121 You have to insert a special key into a slot by the door. 80 00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:13,459 And when you do, the diffuser flaps close. 81 00:05:14,204 --> 00:05:15,830 The rear spoiler retracts 82 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:20,192 and the whole car hunkers down to became as slippery as possible. 83 00:05:27,141 --> 00:05:29,915 The telemetry box we're using to record the speed 84 00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:31,462 measures in kilometers an hours. 85 00:05:31,817 --> 00:05:35,610 So the magic number we are looking for is 407. 86 00:05:36,888 --> 00:05:38,023 Right ladies and gentleman. 87 00:05:38,116 --> 00:05:40,682 Here we go. I'm approaching the banking on the top of the circuit 88 00:05:40,706 --> 00:05:42,909 I have to do this in 200 kph. 89 00:05:42,933 --> 00:05:44,268 That's about 120. 90 00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:45,589 Round the banking 91 00:05:45,792 --> 00:05:47,200 look for my acceleration point 92 00:05:47,224 --> 00:05:49,814 then give it the beans down the straight 93 00:05:57,301 --> 00:06:00,357 200 kph, that's 120. 94 00:06:02,592 --> 00:06:05,747 To get the car settled fourth gear 5000 revs. 95 00:06:12,189 --> 00:06:14,907 Looking for the exit where I bury it. 96 00:06:18,381 --> 00:06:19,381 Here we go! 97 00:06:22,190 --> 00:06:25,192 The climb from 200 to 300 kph 98 00:06:25,336 --> 00:06:28,163 was over in just 9.4 seconds. 99 00:06:28,985 --> 00:06:32,266 The world, viewers, is a total blur! 100 00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:36,460 I'm already doing 330 Kph. 101 00:06:36,484 --> 00:06:38,201 Going too quick, I can't do the math. 102 00:06:39,434 --> 00:06:41,701 Gettng up to about 350. 103 00:06:44,090 --> 00:06:49,389 Captain Slow is doing 360 kph... 370. 104 00:06:50,838 --> 00:06:53,149 That's 230 miles per hour. 105 00:06:53,327 --> 00:06:55,715 I was now leaving F1 cars behind. 106 00:06:56,918 --> 00:06:59,288 It's no wonder Micheal Schumacher retired. 107 00:06:59,630 --> 00:07:01,382 He's slower than me! 108 00:07:02,910 --> 00:07:04,088 At this sort of speed 109 00:07:04,112 --> 00:07:07,415 this engine is sucking in as much air in a minute 110 00:07:07,439 --> 00:07:10,953 as I breathe in four days. 111 00:07:12,345 --> 00:07:13,743 Getting close to the maximum 112 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:17,120 which means the tires would only last for about 15 minutes. 113 00:07:17,787 --> 00:07:18,787 But it's OK. 114 00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:22,097 Because the fuel runs out in 12 minutes. 115 00:07:24,823 --> 00:07:28,390 This is a road car and I'm getting up to 404 116 00:07:29,719 --> 00:07:31,090 405, come on! 117 00:07:33,243 --> 00:07:34,884 Come on give me one more! 118 00:07:38,748 --> 00:07:39,849 406! 119 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:42,552 Come on I need one more, one more! 120 00:08:00,258 --> 00:08:04,551 I'm covering a football pitch every second. 121 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:22,443 That... 122 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,137 I'm pretty confident 123 00:08:24,161 --> 00:08:27,124 that's as fast as I'm ever gonna go in a car. 124 00:08:29,473 --> 00:08:30,473 Increadible. 125 00:08:31,106 --> 00:08:32,106 That is... 126 00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:34,687 it's made my eyes water. 127 00:08:48,689 --> 00:08:50,179 I am impressed, James. 128 00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:52,263 OK. 129 00:08:54,141 --> 00:08:54,829 Thing is though, OK. 130 00:08:54,853 --> 00:08:56,215 You know when you take 131 00:08:56,291 --> 00:09:00,259 a Ferrari or a Lamborghini or particularly a Koenigzegg to its top speed... 132 00:09:00,283 --> 00:09:02,190 - No. - No, actually you wouldn't. 133 00:09:02,214 --> 00:09:03,680 But anyway, when you do. 134 00:09:03,704 --> 00:09:05,052 They fizz they buzz. 135 00:09:05,076 --> 00:09:07,360 They feels like all the body panels are peeling away 136 00:09:07,384 --> 00:09:11,420 'cause you're right on the edge of what's physically and technically possible. 137 00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:13,173 Really? I didn't get any of that with this.. 138 00:09:13,197 --> 00:09:15,215 To be honest, the only thing I've got was at the end of the straight 139 00:09:15,239 --> 00:09:18,389 I had to touch the breaks, so you see the spoiler come up slowing down. 140 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:19,474 You got a sort of... 141 00:09:20,624 --> 00:09:21,284 And that's it? 142 00:09:21,308 --> 00:09:22,026 Yeah, just... 143 00:09:22,212 --> 00:09:24,210 So it's kind of safe and relaxing 144 00:09:24,777 --> 00:09:26,844 even at 250 miles an hour. 145 00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:27,896 Absolutely, yeah. 146 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,561 It's... totally undramatic. 147 00:09:29,585 --> 00:09:30,971 But I would give you a bit of warning 148 00:09:30,995 --> 00:09:33,783 which is a bit disorientating doing that sort of speed. 149 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,705 'Cause, after I come off the banking 150 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:36,985 I was slowing down to stop. 151 00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:39,593 You know how you get a bit impatient, you think "I'll just open the door". 152 00:09:39,617 --> 00:09:42,525 Fortunately I looked back at the speedo and I was still doing 70. 153 00:09:44,218 --> 00:09:45,596 Umm..OK, so. 154 00:09:46,104 --> 00:09:48,796 We've established that this is faster across Europe than 155 00:09:49,533 --> 00:09:51,036 - your light ari-craft. - Yepp. 156 00:09:51,103 --> 00:09:54,439 We've established that it realy will do 250 mph. 157 00:09:54,549 --> 00:09:58,776 But we've never been able to find out how fast it'll go round our track. 158 00:09:59,362 --> 00:10:02,012 Now the problem is Bugatti are happy for us to have one here. 159 00:10:02,317 --> 00:10:03,739 They are happy for you to go and do that. 160 00:10:03,763 --> 00:10:05,286 But they won't lend the Stig one. 161 00:10:05,848 --> 00:10:07,458 Umm..So really, this is an appeal. 162 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:08,955 If you've got a Veyron 163 00:10:10,385 --> 00:10:12,344 and you'd like to lend it to us. 164 00:10:12,429 --> 00:10:15,447 We're prepared to pay anything up to 30 pounds. 165 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,377 And now the news 166 00:10:18,401 --> 00:10:20,096 and we start off with the Porsche Cayenne because 167 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,396 they've revised it and come out with a new one. 168 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,746 It's got new prices, new bits and pieces, new engines, 169 00:10:23,770 --> 00:10:25,896 But the most important thing of course about a Cayenne is 170 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,426 it's never been the best-looking car, is it? 171 00:10:28,450 --> 00:10:29,946 No, not even slightly. 172 00:10:29,970 --> 00:10:32,126 Well, we can only assume that this new one 173 00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:34,276 still isn't exactly the best-looking car 174 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,820 because well, here is the official photograph that Porsche sent out for us. 175 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,376 I can hear the discussion of the photographer had actually with the director. 176 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,826 He said "Is the light good for you?" and he said "No, there is still is some." 177 00:10:48,850 --> 00:10:50,200 Yes, exactly. 178 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:55,676 Now, hey, you know that young Russian business kid 179 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,576 who bought TVR a couple of years ago? 180 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:57,977 Yeah. 181 00:10:58,001 --> 00:11:00,346 Yeah, we've got a picture of him here at a business meeting. 182 00:11:00,370 --> 00:11:01,650 - Oh, yeah, there he is. - There. 183 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:06,796 Did he close down the factory in Blackpool and make everyone redundant. 184 00:11:06,820 --> 00:11:10,626 Exactly, well, it turns out that all the TVR owners have decided 185 00:11:10,650 --> 00:11:14,246 that they're gonna throw a party for the workers who've all been made redundant. 186 00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:16,346 The party dubbed fundable 187 00:11:16,370 --> 00:11:18,376 will include a buffet dinner, 188 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,296 How much do I don't want to go to that? 189 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,546 Err, bar disco and live band. 190 00:11:24,570 --> 00:11:26,046 Wahl, a TVR band. 191 00:11:26,070 --> 00:11:28,546 So they'll play presumably really loud really fast 192 00:11:28,570 --> 00:11:30,120 and then burst into flames. 193 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:36,376 Here's some news, you know the hot Renault Clio, there was a really fast one. 194 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,726 They've done a even hotter one, OK? 195 00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:39,046 It's call the R27. 196 00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:40,376 It's got a lower stiffer chassis. 197 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,496 We've got a photograph of it here, OK? 198 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,526 Now, these are the four Renault formula 1 racing drivers, OK, 199 00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:46,620 for this year. 200 00:11:46,950 --> 00:11:49,146 Now this chap, OK, the new one, 201 00:11:49,170 --> 00:11:50,326 He really likes this car, 202 00:11:50,350 --> 00:11:51,526 he is very excited by it. 203 00:11:51,550 --> 00:11:54,250 He is very, very excited... 204 00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:00,396 He is very pleased to see it, isn't he? 205 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:03,000 Really pleased. 206 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,246 What I love as well, 207 00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:09,946 If you look around the other guys, who clearly spotted the problem. 208 00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:11,346 Well, you could hardly miss it, could you. 209 00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:13,876 They're all very embarrassed. Don't look. 210 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,746 Well, you see this, Ok, I got this photograph from a French website. 211 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,596 The actually official photograph that was sent to it by Renault. 212 00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:21,846 Let me show it to you. 213 00:12:21,870 --> 00:12:24,676 Look, there's he, go and stand behind the car now. 214 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,526 - Look how embarrassing he is. - But they are all racing drivers. 215 00:12:27,550 --> 00:12:30,826 Couldn't they've lent a crash helmet to hold it in the appropriate way. 216 00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:33,576 It was his crash helmet that caused the problem in the first place. 217 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,476 Leave it... 218 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:36,720 Err, oh, now. 219 00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,426 News from the director of public prosecutions 220 00:12:39,450 --> 00:12:40,746 who I discovered in the paper this week 221 00:12:40,770 --> 00:12:41,826 he is called Can or something rather. 222 00:12:41,850 --> 00:12:43,046 Not called Can. 223 00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:45,746 Can is the name of a man you borrow a step ladder from. 224 00:12:45,770 --> 00:12:46,177 Yeah. 225 00:12:46,201 --> 00:12:47,996 Not the director of public prosecutions. 226 00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:51,926 Can has announced that there is a whole raft of new motoring offences 227 00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:54,176 for which you can go to prison, OK? 228 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,726 One of them is, 229 00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:57,926 retuning your radio. 230 00:12:57,950 --> 00:12:58,926 - Oh, don't, it's stupid. - What? 231 00:12:58,950 --> 00:12:59,797 Seriously. 232 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,600 But what if the Archers comes on? 233 00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:06,376 I can't listen to an episode of the Archers in the car 234 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:10,220 without losing my temper and having a crash deliberately to end it? 235 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:13,796 Can has decided 236 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,496 that we'll have to tolerate these things, 237 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,076 cause you're not allowed to retune a radio, 238 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,426 you're also not allowed to put lipstick on. 239 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,250 Again, what... 240 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,826 But get this one. You are not allowed now to be an undertaker. 241 00:13:25,850 --> 00:13:27,496 What? I don't got it, an undertaker? 242 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,976 You an undertaker? 243 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,000 You're undertaker? You're going to prison. 244 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,376 Can says, Can says if you "undertake" someone, 245 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,100 Oh, hang on. 246 00:13:39,450 --> 00:13:42,796 Well, it's... I've always had been a bit of beef about this. 247 00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:45,046 Because I reckon if you go pass someone on the inside, 248 00:13:45,070 --> 00:13:46,126 There was room to do that, 249 00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:48,911 there was room for them to have got out of the way in the first place. 250 00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:52,890 It's wrong! 251 00:13:52,914 --> 00:13:55,126 They are the ones who should be prosecuted. 252 00:13:55,150 --> 00:13:57,876 They can't find prisons to put pedophiles in. 253 00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:01,176 But they're going to be putting him in it for being an undertaker. 254 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,546 It's ridiculous. 255 00:14:02,570 --> 00:14:04,696 You know actually they can't find the pedophiles 256 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:05,846 cause 300 have got missing. 257 00:14:05,870 --> 00:14:07,426 I know where they are. 258 00:14:07,450 --> 00:14:09,546 If you drive down the outside lane of the motorway 259 00:14:09,570 --> 00:14:12,596 now, not retune the radio at 50 miles an hour, OK? 260 00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:15,226 You are immune from prosecution, OK? 261 00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:18,846 So it's the ideal place to go if you're being looked for by the law. 262 00:14:18,870 --> 00:14:23,896 So therefore anyone doing 50 in the outside lane of the motorway 263 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,700 is a child molester. 264 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,526 Wahl, that's amazing. 265 00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:31,076 You use logic, there. That's incredible. 266 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,626 Argue with that. 267 00:14:32,650 --> 00:14:34,146 Hey, now, can I just say, OK 268 00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:36,676 it's been a while since we sat here as a group as you know, 269 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:37,976 so I thought it would be a good idea 270 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,796 just to count through a few of the good cars and bad cars we've driven when we've been off air 271 00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:44,826 and I have to say, good cars for me, Lexus. 272 00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,946 Particularly, actually, the GS, the one in the middle 273 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:48,777 I'm with you. 274 00:14:48,801 --> 00:14:50,076 The hybrid one, mate. 275 00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:51,696 No, no, this one, OK? 276 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,426 This looks like a normal car. 277 00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:54,526 The great thing is, OK, 278 00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:57,196 its batteries will only take you less than a mile 279 00:14:57,220 --> 00:14:59,946 which means most of the time you are on the V6, you know, 280 00:14:59,970 --> 00:15:01,396 you chewing fuel, you warming the world, 281 00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:02,846 and everybody is happy, OK? 282 00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:04,696 It's very quiet, it's very fast, 283 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,276 it's very very comfortable. 284 00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,846 And of course you can drive it to London, 285 00:15:07,870 --> 00:15:09,926 do U turns on Piccadilly all day long 286 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,796 can't Livingston cop charge you a penny. 287 00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:12,946 - Brilliant car there. - It is a hybrid. 288 00:15:12,970 --> 00:15:14,876 It's a properly brilliant car there. 289 00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:17,870 I'm gonna put like a little 9 volt battery in a Hummer. 290 00:15:20,150 --> 00:15:21,370 It's a hybrid. 291 00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:28,946 I was very impressed if I maybe buy the Suzuki Swift Sport. 292 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:29,996 - I am. - No, it's... 293 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:32,150 This is the most underrated. 294 00:15:32,770 --> 00:15:35,476 It's not going over well mate, it's not going over well. 295 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:38,346 Before you all chime in, it's a small car, but, 296 00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,076 you know I'm not a big fan of the new Mini 297 00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,596 I've just... It's too big and lump and all the rest of it. 298 00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:44,876 That I think is the new Mini. 299 00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,326 Try it, you'll be amazed. It's brilliant that car. 300 00:15:47,350 --> 00:15:48,327 That's an order from him. 301 00:15:48,351 --> 00:15:50,096 Actually, to be honest, I quite like that as well. 302 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:53,196 I, I... actually really did the Volvo C30. 303 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,246 I know, don't think I gone mad. 304 00:15:54,270 --> 00:15:55,646 But it's a good looking car. 305 00:15:55,670 --> 00:15:58,046 And you can get it with a 5 cylinder engine 306 00:15:58,070 --> 00:16:01,546 which is exactly the same one as in the Focus ST, the hot one. 307 00:16:01,570 --> 00:16:03,126 Worst cars, no question for me. 308 00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:06,626 One of the top 5 worst cars I've ever driven. VW Golf GT. 309 00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:07,447 There. 310 00:16:07,471 --> 00:16:10,246 No, seriously, it's got a supercharged and turbocharged engine, 311 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:14,070 which is as smooth as falling down stairs while wearing leg calipers. 312 00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:21,576 Basically if you tend to buy one of those, honestly, just work harder and buy the Golf GTI. 313 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,546 - There is a Top Gear top tip. - Good advice. 314 00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:25,926 I was pretty disappointed, I hate I have to say 315 00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:28,626 this a Bentley Arnage T, not the R 316 00:16:28,650 --> 00:16:29,876 which is brilliant. 317 00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:32,096 This is a useful consumer advice for people in the north. 318 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,946 Well actually it is. 319 00:16:34,970 --> 00:16:36,076 And I'm sorry it is. 320 00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:38,426 Because the T has a bit more power and a bit more torque 321 00:16:38,450 --> 00:16:39,746 and it's just enough to spoil it. 322 00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:42,096 If you stick with the R, which is the beautiful car, 323 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,470 they cost 12,000 pounds less so you can buy a house. 324 00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:50,326 For me, it was the Subaru Tribeca 325 00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:52,626 which is a MPV and technically it's not bad 326 00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:54,926 but it's hideous and it's a family car. 327 00:16:54,950 --> 00:16:57,946 So my kids would too terrify to get in it. 328 00:16:57,970 --> 00:17:01,376 Hating it. It's not... it's just... it's hideous. 329 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,996 Hey, now, Jaguar have made a concept car. 330 00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:05,276 Well, not another one. 331 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:06,726 It's why they never make any money, isn't it? 332 00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:08,396 Because they just keep making concept cars all the time 333 00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:10,426 instead of just making cars that you can buy. 334 00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:13,876 Well I know, they haven't understood that if you sell a car, you get money. 335 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:14,697 Yeah. 336 00:17:14,721 --> 00:17:16,226 Anyway, this one, OK? 337 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:17,976 They say, which I've got a picture of it here. 338 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,796 OK? They say, that's going to be the next S type. 339 00:17:21,820 --> 00:17:23,696 It will be looking exactly the same as that. 340 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:24,996 Well, if that's true, that's fantastic news. 341 00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:25,947 It looks brilliant. 342 00:17:25,971 --> 00:17:27,796 I know. It does. I went to see it in the flesh the other day. 343 00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:29,076 The designer was there and he said 344 00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:32,026 "I assure you, the S type will look exactly like that." 345 00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:34,546 If that car comes out like that, 346 00:17:34,570 --> 00:17:35,846 I'll cut my left leg off, 347 00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:37,700 beat myself to death with it. 348 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:40,046 - Really? - Yeah. 349 00:17:40,070 --> 00:17:41,070 Do it. 350 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,096 Make it, just make it. 351 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:47,076 Now, if you're looking to spend between 352 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:50,346 20,000 and 25,000 pounds on a coupe, 353 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:53,426 your choice just became a lot more complicated. 354 00:17:53,450 --> 00:17:55,426 So, to see if we could help you out, 355 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,300 the three of us have been to Scotland for a row. 356 00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:07,500 These are of the cars that have caused the problem. 357 00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:10,500 There is the new Audi TT, 358 00:18:10,950 --> 00:18:13,250 the new Alfa Romeo Brera, 359 00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:18,950 and the not so new, but still quite interesting Mazda RX-8. 360 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,420 So, let's start with the Audi. 361 00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:30,876 Now I want to make it absolutely plain that 362 00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:32,946 I did not like the old TT. 363 00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:37,646 Because all they did to make it was put a Golf in a pretty front. 364 00:18:37,670 --> 00:18:40,996 That's like putting a cow in a track suit. 365 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,700 Still not gonna win any running races. 366 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:48,200 With this new one though, they really have gone to towns. 367 00:18:49,450 --> 00:18:53,176 It's longer, wider and more aggressive than the old model. 368 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,676 And even though this is the baby of the range, 369 00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:57,670 it's more technical as well. 370 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,226 Take the body for example, 371 00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,976 from here back, it's steel, 372 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,696 from here forwards, it's aluminum. 373 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,346 And that not only makes the car lighter, 374 00:19:07,370 --> 00:19:09,896 it's actually 9 stone less than the old TT, 375 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,376 it also improves weight distribution. 376 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,146 Then there is the suspension, 377 00:19:14,170 --> 00:19:17,196 the fluid in the shock absorber has got iron filings in it, 378 00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,346 then round the outside there is a magnet, 379 00:19:19,370 --> 00:19:21,746 turn the magnet on, your iron filings move about, 380 00:19:21,770 --> 00:19:23,996 everything becomes firmer. 381 00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:26,676 And how much do you not want to go on a holiday 382 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:29,020 with a man who thought of that. 383 00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:35,920 The upshot is, this is no longer a cow in a track suit. 384 00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:40,320 It's a cow GTI in racing overall. 385 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:48,396 The steering in the old car was numb, 386 00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:50,446 in this, it feels connected. 387 00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:54,176 The ride in the old car was as comfortable as falling down a flight of stairs, 388 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,976 in this, it's smooth when the iron filings are dormant 389 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,200 and then when you push the switch to turn the magnets on 390 00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:08,850 it becomes racing car sharp. 391 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:16,226 This is not a car for taking your hair to the hair dresses any more, 392 00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:19,676 this is a car for making your hair stand on end 393 00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:21,928 it's a proper sports car. 394 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,600 Rubbish! 395 00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:31,826 What you want is one of these. 396 00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:35,646 This is the new Alfa Romeo Brera. 397 00:20:35,670 --> 00:20:37,820 It's a brilliant car. 398 00:20:45,150 --> 00:20:48,526 On the face of it, the Alfa is exactly like the TT. 399 00:20:48,550 --> 00:20:51,420 They are both four-seat coupes, 400 00:20:52,070 --> 00:20:54,096 they've both got four-cylinder engines, 401 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,146 they've both got six-speed gearboxes, 402 00:20:56,170 --> 00:20:59,046 they both cost around 24,000 pounds, 403 00:20:59,070 --> 00:21:05,400 and they'll both also be available with 3.2 Liter V6 engines and four-wheel drive. 404 00:21:06,770 --> 00:21:09,970 But actually, this is not like a TT at all. 405 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:19,376 Now we've said this time and again on Top Gear. 406 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,476 You can not consider yourself a true petrolhead 407 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,876 until you've owned an Alfa Romeo. 408 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:26,846 They're not cars for posers, 409 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,746 they're cars for connoisseurs. 410 00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:31,746 There're some times, they'll infuriate you 411 00:21:31,770 --> 00:21:34,476 other times, they're really gonna thrill and excite you, 412 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:39,000 but the point is: They're never, ever boring. 413 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,596 It was not designed like the Audi, 414 00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:48,926 using just science and technology and iron filings, 415 00:21:48,950 --> 00:21:51,076 It also has soul and passion. 416 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:52,870 This car has a heart. 417 00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:56,420 But you know what really swings it for me? 418 00:21:57,370 --> 00:21:59,200 It's the interior. 419 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,900 Sitting in here feels like you're sitting in a Milanese's espresso bar. 420 00:22:04,670 --> 00:22:09,120 Sitting in the Audi feels like you're trapped in a Berlin post office. 421 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:11,776 OK, then, James, 422 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,720 have you told the ladies and gentlemen how fast the Brera goes from 0-60. 423 00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:19,196 No, I haven't and I was rather hoping you wouldn't bring it up. 424 00:22:19,220 --> 00:22:20,596 But never mind, ladies and gentlemen, 425 00:22:20,620 --> 00:22:22,626 it does it in 8.1 seconds. 426 00:22:22,650 --> 00:22:26,020 Which in 1976 would have been considered pretty brisk. 427 00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:29,146 James, you could be out dragged but a canoe boat. 428 00:22:29,170 --> 00:22:30,296 It's not a slow car, 429 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,446 it's just not quite as quick as your car. 430 00:22:32,470 --> 00:22:35,246 Which is a car for people who use moisturizing products. 431 00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:36,247 James, I'm with you. 432 00:22:36,271 --> 00:22:38,876 I prefer an Alfa to an Audi. 433 00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:40,796 But not that Alfa Romeo, 434 00:22:40,820 --> 00:22:43,326 that's too slow and that's an end of it. 435 00:22:43,350 --> 00:22:45,176 It's not too slow, it's plenty fast enough... 436 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,096 James, our colleague has arrived. 437 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,226 Here he is. 438 00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:50,200 Lord Woolworth is here. 439 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,200 If it's power you want, then this is your answer. 440 00:23:00,050 --> 00:23:02,970 The wankel engined Mazda RX-8. 441 00:23:03,750 --> 00:23:05,220 When it comes to speed, 442 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,220 it will do 0-60 in 6.4 seconds, 443 00:23:11,070 --> 00:23:14,720 That's a bit faster than the Audi and a whole lot faster than the Alfa. 444 00:23:15,420 --> 00:23:18,300 Top speed, 'round 150. 445 00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:22,896 Put it on a track, 446 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,370 and you quickly realize what this car is all about. 447 00:23:30,870 --> 00:23:34,026 About this engine, it is different, it's a rotary. 448 00:23:34,050 --> 00:23:36,220 So you use it differently. 449 00:23:38,020 --> 00:23:39,926 All the power is at the top end. 450 00:23:39,950 --> 00:23:43,676 So you can crush it mercilessly, 451 00:23:43,700 --> 00:23:46,100 an it will thank you for it. 452 00:23:48,070 --> 00:23:49,676 There is something else too. 453 00:23:49,700 --> 00:23:53,176 The Alfa is basically just an Alfa saloon underneath, 454 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,750 And the Audi is just an Golf in a fancy front. 455 00:23:57,970 --> 00:24:00,896 The RX-8, however, is bespoke. 456 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:05,496 It was designed from the ground up to be a preliminary sports car. 457 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:09,220 This is the only one with rear wheel drive. 458 00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:14,220 It is a proper blue-blooded driver's car. 459 00:24:14,750 --> 00:24:19,046 Listen to that, 7, 8,9. 460 00:24:19,070 --> 00:24:20,846 And yet despite all that, 461 00:24:20,870 --> 00:24:23,050 it has four doors. 462 00:24:23,450 --> 00:24:26,996 You see, you got your big door at the front, usual sort of thing, 463 00:24:27,020 --> 00:24:30,726 then you got the little door for back seat passengers. 464 00:24:30,750 --> 00:24:32,270 Look at that. 465 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,020 It's brilliant. 466 00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:39,450 There're a few disadvantages I admit. 467 00:24:39,900 --> 00:24:43,626 You'll struggle to get more than 23 MPG, 468 00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,150 it uses quite a lot of oil, 469 00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:50,420 and the depreciation is a bit steep. 470 00:24:52,250 --> 00:24:57,120 But then a RX-8 is 2,000 pounds cheaper to buy than the others, 471 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,226 and 2000 times better. 472 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:04,150 And I don't care what those other idiots say. 473 00:25:09,150 --> 00:25:10,576 A tricky decision then, 474 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,320 three similar cars, but three different opinions. 475 00:25:15,420 --> 00:25:17,176 To see if we could find a winner, 476 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,626 the three of us needed to meet up. 477 00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:21,570 So this being Scotland, the home of golf. 478 00:25:22,420 --> 00:25:25,250 We decided to break out the Pringle. 479 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,476 What will you be using here? 480 00:25:27,500 --> 00:25:28,776 How the hell do I know? 481 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,426 I've never ever played golf. 482 00:25:31,450 --> 00:25:33,326 And it's like that, isn't it? 483 00:25:33,350 --> 00:25:34,247 I can't believe you. 484 00:25:34,271 --> 00:25:36,096 You seem to look like somebody who've done it... 485 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:39,000 Hahaha... 486 00:25:40,820 --> 00:25:45,026 You've got dressed up in that outfit to do that. 487 00:25:45,050 --> 00:25:46,676 To be honest, I could've carried it that far. 488 00:25:46,700 --> 00:25:48,396 That doesn't look right. 489 00:25:48,420 --> 00:25:50,346 How could it not look right? 490 00:25:50,370 --> 00:25:53,126 Shut up, watch and learn. 491 00:25:53,150 --> 00:25:55,226 - Wow! - It's gone in the sea. 492 00:25:55,250 --> 00:25:57,776 - It's gone in the sea. - Yeah. 493 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,176 I will tell you what, Richard, 494 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,026 Your Mazda would look good here. 495 00:26:01,050 --> 00:26:03,246 Get off, it is not a golfist's car. 496 00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:04,646 - It is actually. - That actually is. 497 00:26:04,670 --> 00:26:07,596 I'm fairly confident you won't see an Alfa Romeo in the car park. 498 00:26:07,620 --> 00:26:08,227 No, we won't. 499 00:26:08,251 --> 00:26:10,596 But I'm afraid I could see your car as well. 500 00:26:10,620 --> 00:26:12,220 - TT? - Yeah. 501 00:26:12,420 --> 00:26:14,076 TT is the car for the kind of man who 502 00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:16,226 matches his belt to the little tag on these trousers 503 00:26:16,250 --> 00:26:18,320 and he is then proud and pleased with that. 504 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:20,676 What do they do and got they could do this, don't they? 505 00:26:20,700 --> 00:26:22,046 He's gonna do it again. 506 00:26:22,070 --> 00:26:24,900 - It's like his pre-fly checks. - I'll kill him, I'm going to kill him. 507 00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:26,876 That's quite... 508 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:28,176 Well it wasn't bad. 509 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,820 Well, it was. 510 00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:33,470 I just got a hole in 21. 511 00:26:34,450 --> 00:26:37,820 We were extremely quick at getting to a new hole. 512 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,526 - Oh, no... - Hahaha. 513 00:26:42,550 --> 00:26:44,996 Oh, well done. 514 00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,576 But every time we got there... 515 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,246 Yes! Hahaha 516 00:26:49,270 --> 00:26:51,826 ...things slowed down again. 517 00:26:51,850 --> 00:26:53,796 Are you using an ace? 518 00:26:53,820 --> 00:26:55,696 Partly because we were useless 519 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:59,196 and partly because we kept arguing about our cars. 520 00:26:59,220 --> 00:27:01,526 That Mazda is chintzy, it's nearly as chintzy as... 521 00:27:01,550 --> 00:27:03,926 Chintzy? I'm sorry, I just... 522 00:27:03,950 --> 00:27:06,326 Both of your cars are pompous... 523 00:27:06,350 --> 00:27:09,246 Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish, rubbish, rubbish... 524 00:27:09,270 --> 00:27:10,846 OK how long you wanna me keep saying rubbish? 525 00:27:10,870 --> 00:27:15,176 This annoyed the proper men of Pringle who were queuing up behind us. 526 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:16,796 There is no Roush leather in the Audi, there is no... 527 00:27:16,820 --> 00:27:18,196 Well, practically, it might as well be Roush. 528 00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:19,396 There're people behind us, they're very angry... 529 00:27:19,420 --> 00:27:20,097 I know there're people waiting on 530 00:27:20,121 --> 00:27:22,970 I'm trying just to get on with it, yeah, I know. 531 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:24,876 Nope. 532 00:27:24,900 --> 00:27:27,346 After an hour we reached the third hole 533 00:27:27,370 --> 00:27:29,046 and were still arguing. 534 00:27:29,070 --> 00:27:30,326 You are completely wrong about the Mazda. 535 00:27:30,350 --> 00:27:31,476 Technically it may be good 536 00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:32,696 it may be fantastic on the track, 537 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,126 but it's not what's it about on the road. 538 00:27:34,150 --> 00:27:35,276 It's too jigly, 539 00:27:35,300 --> 00:27:36,776 - it's too harsh the interior, - Jigly? 540 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,276 Just because the Alfa is slightly slower, 541 00:27:39,300 --> 00:27:42,296 - You think it must be able to... - It's not slightly slower, James. 542 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:43,376 It's a little bit slower in the real world 543 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,596 but in terms of being of the way it feels to drive, 544 00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:47,296 the balance, the feel of the steering, 545 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,526 the ride, the little niggles you get in... it hasn't got a. 546 00:27:49,550 --> 00:27:51,476 How far can I hit his head? 547 00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:53,326 ...fundament like yours have. 548 00:27:53,350 --> 00:27:56,376 That's just childish and doesn't solve the argument. 549 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,870 After this, we were asked to leave. 550 00:28:00,950 --> 00:28:03,246 And all we've managed to agree on is 551 00:28:03,270 --> 00:28:06,420 that the Alfa was the least golf clubish. 552 00:28:11,169 --> 00:28:12,618 Thank you, thank you 553 00:28:13,339 --> 00:28:15,982 obviously we will pick that up later on. 554 00:28:16,583 --> 00:28:19,732 But now it's time to put a star in our reasonably priced car. 555 00:28:19,758 --> 00:28:21,974 My guest tonight is a global megastar 556 00:28:22,405 --> 00:28:24,340 really, he's made his name playing 557 00:28:24,364 --> 00:28:26,922 that kind of dithering English man we all know in love 558 00:28:26,946 --> 00:28:28,786 so I guess it's only a matter of time... uh... 559 00:28:28,939 --> 00:28:31,843 before he's asked to play the lead in "James May: The movie". 560 00:28:33,690 --> 00:28:36,050 Please welcome to this poky motoring show, 561 00:28:36,151 --> 00:28:37,379 Hugh Grant! 562 00:28:40,171 --> 00:28:42,455 - How're you doing. - Hi, good to see you. Very well. 563 00:28:42,479 --> 00:28:44,793 Have a seat. Uh... Have a seat. 564 00:28:47,121 --> 00:28:50,025 And um... grateful you've come. 565 00:28:51,354 --> 00:28:52,354 I got to say: 566 00:28:53,191 --> 00:28:54,351 This is thrill for me. 567 00:28:54,850 --> 00:28:55,728 It's a thrill for me. 568 00:28:55,752 --> 00:28:56,433 No, but it really is, 569 00:28:56,457 --> 00:28:58,194 because for the first time ever in the guest interview 570 00:28:58,218 --> 00:29:00,588 - we've got girls all around the front. - Ah... yes. 571 00:29:00,689 --> 00:29:03,016 'Cause normally at this point they're all out side talking to Hammond, 572 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,581 but now he's out there all by himself. 573 00:29:05,597 --> 00:29:08,808 So let me start off with cars if I may. 574 00:29:09,269 --> 00:29:10,371 Big hollywood star obviously, 575 00:29:10,395 --> 00:29:12,393 so I presume you've got a Toyota Prius? 576 00:29:14,035 --> 00:29:16,830 You would have thought, you would have thought, um... no, 577 00:29:17,091 --> 00:29:19,699 I have... in my life I've had 2 modes of car, 578 00:29:19,732 --> 00:29:22,959 - Little tiny tossers' cars. - Uh hum. 579 00:29:23,010 --> 00:29:25,709 And great big cars. 580 00:29:27,605 --> 00:29:29,789 - Um... - And you're in which mode now? 581 00:29:30,022 --> 00:29:30,674 Do you know, 582 00:29:30,793 --> 00:29:32,453 the first time I'm right in between the 2, 583 00:29:32,477 --> 00:29:34,839 the tossers' cars began with a... 584 00:29:35,169 --> 00:29:39,046 a Citroen Dyane and I don't think you can get much tossier than that. 585 00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:40,952 Well the great thing about... No the great thing about the Dyane is 586 00:29:40,976 --> 00:29:43,052 you could crash it and nobody ever knew 587 00:29:43,076 --> 00:29:44,796 'cause there were so many different angles on it 588 00:29:44,820 --> 00:29:46,100 that it was sort of always in... 589 00:29:46,394 --> 00:29:47,928 Yes, yes, I know what you are saying, 590 00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:49,367 also it was... you couldn't hurt anyone 591 00:29:49,391 --> 00:29:51,347 because it had the power of 4 harnessed children 592 00:29:51,448 --> 00:29:52,448 and there is... 593 00:29:52,651 --> 00:29:54,183 And then you got into the kind of 594 00:29:54,691 --> 00:29:57,290 - well you eloquently put it Wankers' cars. - Yeah. 595 00:29:57,547 --> 00:29:59,037 Which started with? 596 00:29:59,807 --> 00:30:02,619 Well it started with um... an Aston Martin Vanquish 597 00:30:02,643 --> 00:30:03,871 which was a beautiful car, 598 00:30:03,972 --> 00:30:05,217 you want to lick it or... 599 00:30:06,902 --> 00:30:08,545 mate with it or something, but 600 00:30:08,909 --> 00:30:10,909 I never really wanted to drive it very much 'cause 601 00:30:11,186 --> 00:30:13,963 the gears did... just occasionally, just when you were feeling 602 00:30:14,014 --> 00:30:16,376 happy in your car would just seize up, the car would stop, 603 00:30:16,833 --> 00:30:18,299 you couldn't even push it to the side of the road, 604 00:30:18,323 --> 00:30:20,457 you're just there on the A316 with people 605 00:30:20,481 --> 00:30:22,811 going past making wanker signs at you. 606 00:30:25,792 --> 00:30:26,792 A lovely car. 607 00:30:26,909 --> 00:30:28,901 Yeah and then it was Bentley, wasn't it? 608 00:30:28,925 --> 00:30:30,855 Then I... yeah I did have a Ben... I had a footballer's car, 609 00:30:30,879 --> 00:30:32,623 Bentley GT Continental um 610 00:30:32,801 --> 00:30:34,596 and very nice again, 611 00:30:34,689 --> 00:30:36,331 but I've got a bad back 612 00:30:36,982 --> 00:30:40,275 and for some reason it manifests itself some times as back pain 613 00:30:40,555 --> 00:30:41,858 and some times as bollock pain 614 00:30:43,772 --> 00:30:44,906 with the uh... 615 00:30:45,218 --> 00:30:48,135 with the GT Continental, I got terrible bollock pain 616 00:30:49,295 --> 00:30:50,433 some cars seats do it 617 00:30:50,457 --> 00:30:53,377 my brother's Golf GTI was the first one 618 00:30:53,767 --> 00:30:57,506 hence the syndrome is now known as golf ball. Um... 619 00:30:58,812 --> 00:31:02,673 and I got it very badly with the GT Continental so that had to go back after 6 months. 620 00:31:02,825 --> 00:31:04,002 Because of your testicles? 621 00:31:04,061 --> 00:31:06,042 Yes, I didn't say that to the... um garage. 622 00:31:07,125 --> 00:31:09,487 So um... then what... after the Bentley was? 623 00:31:09,783 --> 00:31:11,131 Then... 624 00:31:11,155 --> 00:31:14,439 I had a beautiful Porsche which I actually phoned you about. 625 00:31:14,609 --> 00:31:16,835 Yeah, well, actually your girlfriend phoned me up. 626 00:31:16,977 --> 00:31:18,028 - Yes. - And said listen 627 00:31:18,052 --> 00:31:20,219 - I've got to get Hugh a car. - Yeah 628 00:31:20,383 --> 00:31:22,694 a Porsche... a Porsche, well that's wrong for a kick-off 629 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,859 but anyway she was adamant it was going to be a Porsche - Yeah. 630 00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:27,940 And then wanted to know whether it's going to be an automatic or manual gearbox? 631 00:31:27,964 --> 00:31:28,839 - Yeah. - So I said automatic. 632 00:31:28,863 --> 00:31:31,303 Yeah, you're absolutely right and of course I got the manual, 633 00:31:33,254 --> 00:31:34,441 and it's so exhuasting... 634 00:31:34,465 --> 00:31:36,430 - 'Cause you want... - All I wanted was a comfy environment. 635 00:31:36,454 --> 00:31:38,748 And a nice arm chair and for my balls not to hurt, 636 00:31:40,141 --> 00:31:41,741 I got... it's not asking much for a car. 637 00:31:41,899 --> 00:31:43,628 And the Porsche also has its interesting thing, 638 00:31:43,652 --> 00:31:46,864 I think it's fine if the steering wheel's on "ze" left for "ze" Germans 639 00:31:46,888 --> 00:31:48,886 - I see, yeah. - But on the right for the Brits, 640 00:31:49,245 --> 00:31:51,363 something's wrong I think the petrol tank's in the wrong place 641 00:31:51,387 --> 00:31:52,877 so you're facing forward like this 642 00:31:53,300 --> 00:31:56,172 with your upper body and your lower body is here 643 00:31:56,196 --> 00:31:58,143 sort of just looking dile... directly left, 644 00:31:58,498 --> 00:31:59,633 and I found that tricky. 645 00:31:59,684 --> 00:32:02,511 That is tricky, I once had that in a Lancia Stratus 646 00:32:02,740 --> 00:32:06,383 but all... annoyingly in the Lancia Stratus all of you face this way 647 00:32:06,975 --> 00:32:08,988 while travelling in that... which 648 00:32:09,012 --> 00:32:12,789 it is really does make... it... the sensation of speed is tremendous. 649 00:32:12,984 --> 00:32:14,745 But you'd hit quite often. 650 00:32:15,143 --> 00:32:17,522 Now your driving, how's that? 651 00:32:17,750 --> 00:32:19,046 Do you have road rage? 652 00:32:19,548 --> 00:32:21,868 Terrible rage, yes, and uh... 653 00:32:22,367 --> 00:32:26,553 well yeah, it's road rage that then becomes terrible road meekness in a flash... 654 00:32:26,577 --> 00:32:28,466 in an instant... there was this guy who 655 00:32:28,490 --> 00:32:31,334 gave me the lightest of knocks, I mean barely touched the car 656 00:32:31,649 --> 00:32:34,493 and I went into a complete melt down, 657 00:32:34,527 --> 00:32:35,527 um... attacked him 658 00:32:35,607 --> 00:32:37,237 and when he wouldn't get out of his car, I thought. 659 00:32:37,261 --> 00:32:39,095 Well I'll attack the car! 660 00:32:40,749 --> 00:32:43,510 And I ripped the wind screen wipers right off his car, 661 00:32:43,534 --> 00:32:44,758 amazed at my own strength, 662 00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,806 and he said "You've ripped the wind screen wipers off my car" 663 00:32:47,987 --> 00:32:49,951 and immediatelly I said "I'm so sorry." 664 00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:54,678 "Maybe if I... "I tried to put them back on, I said "I'll drive you to a garage." 665 00:32:54,702 --> 00:32:57,150 Pathetic... if you're gonna be angry you know, follow it through. 666 00:32:57,174 --> 00:32:59,442 I once told... um someone who is staying... 667 00:32:59,477 --> 00:33:02,514 who had a dog in the hotel next to um... where I was staying 668 00:33:02,565 --> 00:33:03,761 that kept barking 5 o'clock in the morning, 669 00:33:03,785 --> 00:33:05,105 I got up and then hadn't planned, 670 00:33:05,301 --> 00:33:07,143 this is always the play, if you don't plan what you're going to say 671 00:33:07,167 --> 00:33:08,167 - all goes wrong. - Yeah. 672 00:33:08,433 --> 00:33:10,453 I got out not sure quite what I was going to say, so I went 673 00:33:10,477 --> 00:33:12,669 "I've killed before!" 674 00:33:13,897 --> 00:33:17,156 My wife was going "What have you killed before?" Anyway, that's... 675 00:33:18,153 --> 00:33:19,999 Let's talk about films, if we may. 676 00:33:20,168 --> 00:33:21,686 - Your new film. - Yeah. 677 00:33:21,758 --> 00:33:24,196 Ok, is you and Drew Barrymore. 678 00:33:24,331 --> 00:33:25,779 - Yes, sir. - And it's called? 679 00:33:26,193 --> 00:33:27,998 - It's called "Music and Lyrics" - "Music and Lyrics". 680 00:33:28,022 --> 00:33:30,982 Now, I'm sorry about this, we... we never normally do plugging on the show, 681 00:33:31,090 --> 00:33:32,823 - so I'm not very good at it. We'll try, - OK 682 00:33:32,847 --> 00:33:35,276 have you got any clips here? That doesn't work, does it? 683 00:33:36,631 --> 00:33:38,605 We do have a clip, let me just explain what it is, um, 684 00:33:38,629 --> 00:33:41,290 I play this ex-80s pop star, fallen on hard times, 685 00:33:41,503 --> 00:33:44,637 I get this new contract to write a song for a very famous singer 686 00:33:44,661 --> 00:33:46,142 like it might be Britney Spears, 687 00:33:46,286 --> 00:33:48,502 I write music, I can't find anyone to write lyrics 688 00:33:48,526 --> 00:33:50,237 until I come across this girl 689 00:33:50,261 --> 00:33:52,302 who sometimes waters my plants, Drew Barrymore. 690 00:33:52,488 --> 00:33:53,929 And we write this song together and then 691 00:33:53,953 --> 00:33:57,136 the clip we see here we're just making a little demo tape. 692 00:33:58,996 --> 00:34:00,309 It sounds so good, 693 00:34:00,385 --> 00:34:01,385 I can't believe it. 694 00:34:02,442 --> 00:34:03,442 And now 695 00:34:04,478 --> 00:34:05,478 vocals 696 00:34:06,112 --> 00:34:08,232 no, no you see, you have to sing into the microphone, 697 00:34:08,304 --> 00:34:09,304 it won't follow you. 698 00:34:09,777 --> 00:34:10,777 But I can't. 699 00:34:10,852 --> 00:34:13,692 It's... it's a duet for a man and a woman, we are as close as we've got, 700 00:34:13,742 --> 00:34:15,945 your head phones and a level, 701 00:34:15,978 --> 00:34:17,859 you look nice in those, you should wear them all the time, 702 00:34:17,883 --> 00:34:20,583 How is... that? Yes? 703 00:34:20,761 --> 00:34:22,606 - Ok. - Shh... Shh... Shh. 704 00:34:23,377 --> 00:34:24,377 It's ok. 705 00:34:24,668 --> 00:34:25,802 And... 706 00:34:28,604 --> 00:34:30,103 "Way Back Into Love", take one. 707 00:34:31,770 --> 00:34:34,159 Oh, oh God, I'm getting really nervous. 708 00:34:34,183 --> 00:34:34,704 You'll be fine, you'll... 709 00:34:34,728 --> 00:34:36,892 just use your normal nice voice that I've heard 710 00:34:36,916 --> 00:34:38,554 so much of in the last 3 days. 711 00:34:38,705 --> 00:34:42,267 It's like my throat's closing up, it's like anaphylactic. 712 00:34:42,394 --> 00:34:43,882 It's fine, just a 3 minute song. 713 00:34:49,118 --> 00:34:53,525 "I've been living with the shadow overhead," 714 00:34:53,804 --> 00:34:55,236 "I've been sleeping with the..." 715 00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:58,180 Just uh... a little bit louder 'cause this song is intended for humans ok? 716 00:35:01,162 --> 00:35:02,162 Very good. 717 00:35:06,179 --> 00:35:07,179 Do you think? 718 00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:11,544 It's a romantic comedy, Jeremy, 719 00:35:11,568 --> 00:35:13,495 which is something I've never done before, so um. 720 00:35:15,078 --> 00:35:16,596 I'd like to stretch myself as an actor, 721 00:35:16,620 --> 00:35:18,255 it's all about discovery, isn't it? Reacting, 722 00:35:18,279 --> 00:35:19,355 trying new stuff. 723 00:35:19,767 --> 00:35:22,620 And it's a um... I think a lovely funny film. 724 00:35:22,713 --> 00:35:24,990 Its open's on um..on the 9th of February. 725 00:35:25,134 --> 00:35:26,598 Em... can I just talk... ok, 726 00:35:26,622 --> 00:35:28,890 you're... we're the same age, give or take, I think... 727 00:35:28,914 --> 00:35:31,074 - It's hard to believe to look at it, isn't it? - Yeah. 728 00:35:31,361 --> 00:35:32,745 Frankly it is, yeah. 729 00:35:33,185 --> 00:35:35,073 Are you starting to fall to pieces yet? 730 00:35:35,293 --> 00:35:37,735 - Yes I am, yes I am, Jeremy. Yes. - Are you? 731 00:35:37,989 --> 00:35:40,021 Uh... worst bit for me, 732 00:35:40,527 --> 00:35:42,347 is when you're... 733 00:35:42,431 --> 00:35:45,352 you've wash... you've shaved, you're rinsing your face like this, 734 00:35:45,767 --> 00:35:47,582 and then you look up into the mirror, 735 00:35:47,606 --> 00:35:49,006 I've got a mirror to the side here. 736 00:35:49,156 --> 00:35:51,809 My eyes look up but my face is still pointing down. 737 00:35:53,434 --> 00:35:54,224 - That's... - That's how. 738 00:35:54,248 --> 00:35:56,457 And also didn't you have some trouble with your bottom? 739 00:35:57,981 --> 00:35:59,437 That was a terrible moment, yeah, 740 00:35:59,461 --> 00:36:01,569 that was a really terrible... I... I... 741 00:36:01,645 --> 00:36:03,684 funnily enough that was for "golf ball", it was. 742 00:36:03,709 --> 00:36:05,606 I went to see a doctor in Harley Street, 743 00:36:06,325 --> 00:36:09,005 and I... it was suspicious of him to begin with 'cause he said uh... 744 00:36:09,099 --> 00:36:11,014 "Very good if you'd just like to sit, pull all your clothes off?" 745 00:36:11,038 --> 00:36:12,489 So I... I took them all off, 746 00:36:12,684 --> 00:36:14,555 and then he interviewed me. I sat... 747 00:36:17,054 --> 00:36:19,705 I sat naked as a baby 748 00:36:19,729 --> 00:36:23,125 in front of him like this in a... in a very expensive big consultation room 749 00:36:23,149 --> 00:36:26,304 while he wrote down things about me, kept looking at me and writing all the things down. 750 00:36:26,328 --> 00:36:29,888 And then he said "Right, we're just going to uh... do a quick uh... prostate examination." 751 00:36:30,234 --> 00:36:31,234 Bent me over, 752 00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:34,173 and I swear to God, stuck his head up my bottom, 753 00:36:35,980 --> 00:36:39,266 because when he said "Does that hurt?" 754 00:36:39,290 --> 00:36:41,373 It was muffled, it was "Does that hurt?" 755 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:46,000 And it was the worst pain I've ever had in my life. 756 00:36:46,255 --> 00:36:49,404 Ok listen, I really want to get onto your lap, obviously. 757 00:36:49,700 --> 00:36:50,980 - Yes. - How did it go out there? 758 00:36:51,469 --> 00:36:53,131 I thought quite badly, um... 759 00:36:53,698 --> 00:36:56,137 I like the Stig very much, he was very kind to me 760 00:36:56,306 --> 00:37:00,183 um... but uh... it's not easy, it's not easy Jeremy. 761 00:37:00,217 --> 00:37:01,801 - You don't think so. - No, I don't. 762 00:37:01,825 --> 00:37:03,561 'Cause it's so counter-intuitive, 763 00:37:03,654 --> 00:37:04,732 you know? Just when you're thinking: 764 00:37:04,756 --> 00:37:06,804 Well now I'm going to die so I'll brake 765 00:37:06,829 --> 00:37:08,827 but he says "Flat down with the accelerator!" 766 00:37:09,114 --> 00:37:11,230 And uh... and the other way around and um... 767 00:37:11,254 --> 00:37:13,109 I... I know I'm gonna be bad. 768 00:37:13,209 --> 00:37:15,823 Who here would like to see Hugh's lap? 769 00:37:16,102 --> 00:37:19,126 - Yeah! - Let's play the tape, here it goes. 770 00:37:19,710 --> 00:37:20,710 This is you 771 00:37:21,141 --> 00:37:22,175 and there you go. 772 00:37:24,266 --> 00:37:25,266 What a car. 773 00:37:26,255 --> 00:37:28,294 - That's... - A very unattractive helmet. 774 00:37:28,743 --> 00:37:31,435 Oh, don't change gear, you! 775 00:37:33,569 --> 00:37:35,990 - Crikey Moses! - That can not be my best... 776 00:37:38,708 --> 00:37:39,532 that's quite grown up. 777 00:37:39,556 --> 00:37:41,411 That was very good through there, excellent. 778 00:37:41,435 --> 00:37:43,555 - Oh where are you going now though? Yeah. - That's... 779 00:37:44,245 --> 00:37:45,379 Hammerhead 780 00:37:45,794 --> 00:37:48,194 - looking smooth and fast. - I never mastered the Hammerhead. 781 00:37:48,579 --> 00:37:50,579 - Is that a penalty? - That's good, no that's good. 782 00:37:50,857 --> 00:37:51,857 Good line through there. 783 00:37:52,033 --> 00:37:53,836 Oh that was a piece of "art". 784 00:37:57,053 --> 00:38:00,005 Soon you're gonna cut inside and you won't be swearing. 785 00:38:00,029 --> 00:38:01,123 Is it gonna be fast through here? 786 00:38:01,147 --> 00:38:03,069 See? Every time I came wobbling through a turn 787 00:38:03,179 --> 00:38:05,862 there was another ex-BBC camera man right in my way. 788 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,190 Did exactly the wrong thing again. 789 00:38:09,291 --> 00:38:10,645 And here we are, last corner. 790 00:38:10,934 --> 00:38:12,283 - This is very poor. - That's going wide 791 00:38:12,307 --> 00:38:15,281 that's wow yes! Across the line! 792 00:38:16,331 --> 00:38:17,331 Now. 793 00:38:23,412 --> 00:38:24,412 I um... 794 00:38:26,062 --> 00:38:29,153 I know it's not good, I know, I feel... I feel like I've let anyone... everyone down 795 00:38:29,177 --> 00:38:31,897 - and including the Stig. - No, what do you mean? It's only yourself. 796 00:38:32,299 --> 00:38:34,712 So where do you think you've come on the um... 797 00:38:34,805 --> 00:38:36,132 - on the board? - Ah, I wish I knew. 798 00:38:36,156 --> 00:38:38,453 Who would I really like... I wouldn't like to come lower 799 00:38:39,215 --> 00:38:41,255 than Michael Gambon. 800 00:38:41,416 --> 00:38:43,515 - Michael Gambon? You've beat him. - Yeah. 801 00:38:43,869 --> 00:38:47,484 Oh that's good. In that case, I... I quite like to beat you and McGregor. 802 00:38:47,674 --> 00:38:51,356 - Well, you actually did it in 1 minute. - Yes. 803 00:38:51,652 --> 00:38:53,633 - Forty. - Yes. 804 00:38:54,852 --> 00:38:57,414 - Seven... Point seven. - Yes. 805 00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,076 - Oh hello. - Congratulations! 806 00:39:07,192 --> 00:39:08,344 You're right up there. 807 00:39:09,343 --> 00:39:11,451 You're in fact only emm.. 808 00:39:11,958 --> 00:39:14,608 Point one of a second behind the well spoken man. 809 00:39:14,684 --> 00:39:15,917 Yes, yes. 810 00:39:15,941 --> 00:39:17,255 Anyway, so there you are, uh... 811 00:39:17,279 --> 00:39:20,198 Ah sorry but Jamie Oliver was in the snow, so he moves up, is that right? 812 00:39:20,222 --> 00:39:23,041 No he wasn't, it had melted, he did melted snow. 813 00:39:23,065 --> 00:39:25,385 He claims it was snow, and we punished him for that - Yes. 814 00:39:25,649 --> 00:39:27,318 So no, I... I think you're better 815 00:39:27,521 --> 00:39:30,552 and funnier and much better looking with a smaller tongue. 816 00:39:32,987 --> 00:39:34,816 Ladies and gentlemen, Hugh Grant! 817 00:39:43,020 --> 00:39:48,076 Right, now, earlier, we were testing three coupes to decide which one is best. 818 00:39:48,100 --> 00:39:51,426 I really really like this Alfa Romeo Brera. 819 00:39:51,450 --> 00:39:55,326 Clarkson stupidly prefers this new Audi TT 820 00:39:55,350 --> 00:39:59,726 and the damn fool Hammond seems to think it should be this Mazda RX-8. 821 00:39:59,750 --> 00:40:03,246 And so far, we have established pretty much nothing. 822 00:40:03,270 --> 00:40:04,646 But now in the second part of the film 823 00:40:04,670 --> 00:40:07,620 we drive into Edinburgh and still arguing. 824 00:40:17,150 --> 00:40:20,100 Can you set the sat nav in your car, OK? 825 00:40:20,670 --> 00:40:23,146 Err, no, I haven't got sat nav. 826 00:40:23,170 --> 00:40:24,696 Could you do that, Richard? 827 00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:27,000 I go by instinct in here. 828 00:40:27,650 --> 00:40:31,696 So it's the driver's car, or the navigator's car. 829 00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:34,146 Or the air hostess's in the case of yours Jeremy. 830 00:40:34,170 --> 00:40:36,596 Think it with a bit of dust on my headlamps, 831 00:40:36,620 --> 00:40:38,526 so I will just wash that off. 832 00:40:38,550 --> 00:40:40,626 Yes, I've done that with my headlamp washers. 833 00:40:40,650 --> 00:40:42,076 Have you done that, James? 834 00:40:42,100 --> 00:40:45,276 Well I did that earlier with a wet hanky and end of my finger. 835 00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:48,326 But either of you two got a DSG gearbox. 836 00:40:48,350 --> 00:40:49,696 - No. - No. 837 00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:52,626 Have you got adjustable suspension, either of you? 838 00:40:52,650 --> 00:40:54,270 - No. - No. 839 00:40:56,020 --> 00:40:58,376 But then I fired a torpedo 840 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,196 straight into the side of HMS Clarkson. 841 00:41:01,220 --> 00:41:05,176 Jeremy, can I just ask how much of that stuff is standard. 842 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:09,420 Almost everything really is an optional extra. 843 00:41:10,150 --> 00:41:12,246 How many is that lot cost? 844 00:41:12,270 --> 00:41:16,846 Err, the optional extras on this car add up 2000 pounds. 845 00:41:16,870 --> 00:41:17,976 How much? 846 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,876 Six thousand pounds. 847 00:41:20,900 --> 00:41:22,576 Six grand? 848 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,470 It's actually eight grand but shh... 849 00:41:26,950 --> 00:41:31,300 It was tit for tat all the way and nobody was going to give in. 850 00:41:31,670 --> 00:41:33,476 The truth of the matter is this 851 00:41:33,500 --> 00:41:34,946 the car you really want 852 00:41:34,970 --> 00:41:36,396 looks like the Alfa 853 00:41:36,420 --> 00:41:37,746 drives like the Mazda 854 00:41:37,770 --> 00:41:38,996 and is built like the Audi. 855 00:41:39,020 --> 00:41:40,576 But since that doesn't exist 856 00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:42,046 you've got to have the Audi. 857 00:41:42,070 --> 00:41:44,826 Cause it's the best all round of the best compromise 858 00:41:44,850 --> 00:41:47,370 and that, that's an end of it. 859 00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:51,446 It wasn't the end though, because coupes are all about looks. 860 00:41:51,470 --> 00:41:54,550 And to find out which of ours was the best looking 861 00:41:56,670 --> 00:42:01,570 we've been told to go to the Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art in Edinburgh. 862 00:42:03,220 --> 00:42:04,826 The challenge was simple, 863 00:42:04,850 --> 00:42:08,626 if this prestigious gallery was to accept just one of our cars 864 00:42:08,650 --> 00:42:12,950 based on styling and love, which would it be? 865 00:42:13,450 --> 00:42:17,070 A panel of experts have been assembled to make the choice. 866 00:42:19,170 --> 00:42:20,676 And to help things along, 867 00:42:20,700 --> 00:42:25,700 we'd each been given two minutes to argue the artistic merits of our particular car. 868 00:42:26,250 --> 00:42:27,720 But before that, 869 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:31,970 five minutes in the gallery bookshop to bone up our art bit. 870 00:42:32,170 --> 00:42:33,896 Is there anything Japanese at all? 871 00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:34,827 Scottish arts... 872 00:42:34,851 --> 00:42:40,520 You have like a single volume on the artistic influence of Alfa Romeo coupes. 873 00:42:41,550 --> 00:42:45,096 Err, Japanese culture in general maybe like into an oyster. 874 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:49,550 Opening itself up to repeat the onslaughts from the... oyster. 875 00:42:52,350 --> 00:42:57,046 Unfortunately the crash course in the bookshop just confused us even more. 876 00:42:57,070 --> 00:43:00,770 As the experts discovered when James kicked things off. 877 00:43:01,300 --> 00:43:03,376 Em, good afternoon professors. 878 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,376 I'd like to begin by asking the question. 879 00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,676 Can a car be a piece of art. 880 00:43:07,700 --> 00:43:10,126 I'd like to say immediately that I think no. 881 00:43:10,150 --> 00:43:11,896 That's not a piece of art 882 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:16,026 but can we find any art in that piece of design? 883 00:43:16,050 --> 00:43:17,296 I'll put it down there. 884 00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:20,846 Can I really argue that the Audi TT was a reaction 885 00:43:20,870 --> 00:43:24,950 to the overly complicated ceiling rose of Victorian houses? 886 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,426 For example we can see in the lights of the Alfa Romeo here 887 00:43:29,450 --> 00:43:32,176 I think the influence of the Scottish colorists, 888 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,146 namely Fergusson and Peploe. 889 00:43:34,170 --> 00:43:36,970 You went to art school, you should be good at this. 890 00:43:37,350 --> 00:43:38,346 Did you go to art school? 891 00:43:38,370 --> 00:43:39,097 No, I didn't. 892 00:43:39,121 --> 00:43:40,376 Then you wouldn't know what you do in art school 893 00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,026 is drink and pursuing women. 894 00:43:42,050 --> 00:43:44,246 All arts I believe should be about two things, 895 00:43:44,270 --> 00:43:45,726 truth and beauty. 896 00:43:45,750 --> 00:43:48,076 Now, it's true because it's real. 897 00:43:48,100 --> 00:43:49,650 It's not actually a piece of art. 898 00:43:50,500 --> 00:43:52,570 How do we shut this man up? 899 00:43:52,620 --> 00:43:54,996 Do you know what? We've made amphibious cars, 900 00:43:55,020 --> 00:43:56,976 we've made a convertible people carrier, 901 00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:58,826 I've raced you to Oslo. 902 00:43:58,850 --> 00:44:01,426 This is the hardest thing I've ever faced. 903 00:44:01,450 --> 00:44:03,626 He's given the impression that he's taken 904 00:44:03,650 --> 00:44:06,926 his brush oil, even his calligraphy pen, the impression he has given... 905 00:44:06,950 --> 00:44:09,176 I think we've probably heard enough, 906 00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:12,096 That's alright with you, thank you very much. 907 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,646 I'll... I did want to talk about the renaissance and the meaning of truth 908 00:44:14,670 --> 00:44:17,346 - and the development of human thought. - We could leave that for another day. 909 00:44:17,370 --> 00:44:20,870 These trousers are not Bauhaus. 910 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,700 Hahaha. 911 00:44:24,220 --> 00:44:26,496 Why we mates look a bit like a monkey? 912 00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:27,996 Their brains are big. 913 00:44:28,020 --> 00:44:31,676 Justify why you think your car should be in this gallery. 914 00:44:31,700 --> 00:44:36,426 Um, one can see influences of the Bauhaus thinking 915 00:44:36,450 --> 00:44:39,026 in so many of the things around us today, 916 00:44:39,050 --> 00:44:40,276 some of the design classic. 917 00:44:40,300 --> 00:44:46,146 Um Mart Stam's cantilever chair and the Marcel Breuer "Wassily" chair. 918 00:44:46,170 --> 00:44:47,696 Why is he talking about chairs? 919 00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:50,646 It looks like it's going somewhere, it looks purposeful, 920 00:44:50,670 --> 00:44:52,576 I mean if you compare it, for example, 921 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:54,296 that's the inside of the Mazda, 922 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,500 that's not Bauhaus. 923 00:44:56,770 --> 00:44:58,570 That's my trousers... 924 00:44:58,900 --> 00:45:00,826 Woo, look, I found Jeremy's notes, 925 00:45:00,850 --> 00:45:03,246 trousers, fat, Hitler, 926 00:45:03,270 --> 00:45:05,376 tiger, Mazda, Alfa, 927 00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:06,996 modernism, minimalism 928 00:45:07,020 --> 00:45:08,296 ...minimalism, modernism 929 00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,946 I think it created cubism, I think it created Picasso, no, not that one. 930 00:45:11,970 --> 00:45:14,720 Cubism came about 10 or 15 year earlier, but go on... 931 00:45:16,570 --> 00:45:19,246 I don't think that... I think the Audi is Bauhaus... 932 00:45:19,270 --> 00:45:24,796 But I think it's got a very contemporary veneer. 933 00:45:24,820 --> 00:45:27,196 I mean one shouldn't hang the whole item on the Bauhaus, 934 00:45:27,220 --> 00:45:28,027 I don't think it's. 935 00:45:28,051 --> 00:45:31,146 "Das ist einfach nicht wahr" as they would say in the Bauhaus. 936 00:45:31,170 --> 00:45:32,400 It's just not true. 937 00:45:34,700 --> 00:45:36,100 What does it symbolize? 938 00:45:36,550 --> 00:45:41,670 The Audi symbolizes freedom? 939 00:45:42,170 --> 00:45:43,900 Freedom! Like that. 940 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,620 Warm in there, isn't it? 941 00:45:54,270 --> 00:45:56,196 Err, gentlemen, 942 00:45:56,220 --> 00:46:01,676 God is the reason why you might look at this car the Mazda RX-8. 943 00:46:01,700 --> 00:46:05,526 And see there's something a bit unusual. 944 00:46:05,550 --> 00:46:08,126 The Mazda is a Japanese car. 945 00:46:08,150 --> 00:46:09,926 In understanding a little bit about 946 00:46:09,950 --> 00:46:13,346 why this car is different to ours. 947 00:46:13,370 --> 00:46:16,426 And you can see that express through out Japanese culture and paintings, 948 00:46:16,450 --> 00:46:17,197 If you to take. 949 00:46:17,221 --> 00:46:18,922 We are just gonna see you put your hands in your pocket 950 00:46:18,946 --> 00:46:20,376 'cause you're sort of refering to note here. 951 00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:21,426 I can... I can do that. 952 00:46:21,450 --> 00:46:26,046 Em, if you refer to "Catching Catfish with a Gourd", 953 00:46:26,070 --> 00:46:29,896 from the 15th century by Josetsu. 954 00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:34,296 One of the blokes over there is an expert on Japanese and oriental art, you know that. 955 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:37,246 Can you just reiterate some of those points? 956 00:46:37,270 --> 00:46:38,197 Which point? 957 00:46:38,221 --> 00:46:39,550 The ones you just made. 958 00:46:39,850 --> 00:46:41,896 Did you feel a bit thick when you finished doing it? 959 00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:42,497 Thick? 960 00:46:42,521 --> 00:46:43,896 How do you think he is gonna feel? 961 00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:44,996 He'll probably punch one of them... 962 00:46:45,020 --> 00:46:48,126 I've eaten brighter vegetables than he is. 963 00:46:48,150 --> 00:46:50,046 You put this car in the gallery... 964 00:46:50,070 --> 00:46:50,747 Yeah. 965 00:46:50,771 --> 00:46:53,496 What else are you going to have in the environment that surround it? 966 00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:56,946 Maybe to extend it further.. Maybe to have some other Japanese stuff in there. 967 00:46:56,970 --> 00:46:59,076 Do you have any examples, that you think would be 968 00:46:59,100 --> 00:47:00,726 or value for the potential visitors? 969 00:47:00,750 --> 00:47:02,526 Some paint. Japanese paintings. 970 00:47:02,550 --> 00:47:05,350 By anyone particular? 971 00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:11,550 That would be for, perhaps, you know, specialists to choose. 972 00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:14,926 How did that go? 973 00:47:14,950 --> 00:47:17,826 I think well, I think well, err. 974 00:47:17,850 --> 00:47:18,896 Do you know you're bright red. 975 00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:20,720 Yeah, I'm hot, very hot. 976 00:47:22,370 --> 00:47:27,200 The boffins conferred and then called us all in to give their verdicts. 977 00:47:28,470 --> 00:47:30,496 I think the Audi is err 978 00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:33,026 you know sort of constrained, it's modest, 979 00:47:33,050 --> 00:47:34,476 it's sort of tidy. 980 00:47:34,500 --> 00:47:36,846 But it's not saying, doesn't say very much to me. 981 00:47:36,870 --> 00:47:39,396 You know, this lessness is less for me not more. 982 00:47:39,420 --> 00:47:42,546 Err, I'm most persuaded by the Alfa. 983 00:47:42,570 --> 00:47:44,526 I agree entirely, yes. 984 00:47:44,550 --> 00:47:49,170 The Mazda, I looked at it from various angles. 985 00:47:49,550 --> 00:47:52,376 And it just doesn't seem to be as clear cut as 986 00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:57,300 an expression of what the modern art motif coupe is. And I think that's the Alfa. 987 00:47:57,970 --> 00:48:03,046 In terms of the look, the style, everything that it denotes 988 00:48:03,070 --> 00:48:07,396 we'd be happy to show that car in this gallery, the Alfa Romeo. 989 00:48:07,420 --> 00:48:08,397 Well it's alright. 990 00:48:08,421 --> 00:48:10,396 / - Cause it'll just break down before it got here. 991 00:48:10,420 --> 00:48:13,296 - / - You get oil all over your nice floor. 992 00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,446 Come on, you can stop being petty and infantile. 993 00:48:16,470 --> 00:48:19,426 These three men are experts in art and artistic expression... 994 00:48:19,450 --> 00:48:23,100 - Well, they are wrong. - It's only 'cause I've said freedom. That's what we... 995 00:48:26,700 --> 00:48:29,400 Well, rubbish. 996 00:48:30,620 --> 00:48:32,846 As Richard said: They were wrong. 997 00:48:32,870 --> 00:48:35,576 So now we're gonna do a much more important test 998 00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:38,096 which is the fastest around our track? 999 00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:39,496 Now obviously to find that out, 1000 00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,250 we have to hand them over to our tame racing driver. 1001 00:48:42,750 --> 00:48:46,920 Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner 1002 00:48:47,970 --> 00:48:51,870 and that he is in no way implicated in the "Cash for Honours' Scandal". 1003 00:48:52,070 --> 00:48:55,450 All we know is, he's called Lord Stig. 1004 00:48:57,970 --> 00:48:59,996 Well that has wasted about an hour with wheel spin. 1005 00:49:00,020 --> 00:49:01,996 Get off, he started off in the best car. 1006 00:49:02,020 --> 00:49:04,476 The only proper sports car, of course the Mazda. 1007 00:49:04,500 --> 00:49:05,726 Rear wheel drive of course, 1008 00:49:05,750 --> 00:49:07,846 this is familiar to him, it feels like a sports car 1009 00:49:07,870 --> 00:49:09,546 'cause it was designed as a sports car. 1010 00:49:09,570 --> 00:49:10,676 Radio: Lucy looked at him, 1011 00:49:10,700 --> 00:49:14,026 the strong, kind face and the endearing look in his eyes, 1012 00:49:14,050 --> 00:49:16,176 and she opened her heart to him. 1013 00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:18,646 Now you see, this romantic fiction, he's into it now. 1014 00:49:18,670 --> 00:49:20,246 Right over... oh look at that, you see, 1015 00:49:20,270 --> 00:49:23,076 - it's so controllable, you can steer it with the rear end. - Is it moving? Is it moving? 1016 00:49:23,100 --> 00:49:24,396 Rubbish, it's fast, mate. 1017 00:49:24,420 --> 00:49:25,826 Don't ignore. Here we go, hammerhead. 1018 00:49:25,850 --> 00:49:27,176 Look at that. 1019 00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:28,376 No, no, that's miles off. 1020 00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:30,226 That is elegant and controlled. 1021 00:49:30,250 --> 00:49:32,346 That really is. He'll be enjoying that in there, 1022 00:49:32,370 --> 00:49:34,446 - that's familiar territory for him. - 40? 1023 00:49:34,470 --> 00:49:36,796 And it looks at home on the track unlike the other two. 1024 00:49:36,820 --> 00:49:37,846 He'll have to lift off then. 1025 00:49:37,870 --> 00:49:40,746 - It's not for... Oh, look at that. - 45. 1026 00:49:40,770 --> 00:49:44,046 - Braking, oh he'll be around here in a minute. - Now he's got 1 corner and the final corner, 1027 00:49:44,070 --> 00:49:47,196 under control and looking like a proper fast car - Look at... chintzy styling. 1028 00:49:47,220 --> 00:49:50,370 - He's lost it, that's all... very bad. - Oh, what a spectacle. 1029 00:49:51,820 --> 00:49:52,727 Still there, 1030 00:49:52,751 --> 00:49:55,676 No, good front end grip, good balance, excellent brakes, 1031 00:49:55,700 --> 00:49:57,526 Oh ho ho, did you see that dive? 1032 00:49:57,550 --> 00:49:59,946 Wow, it's like watching the actual studio going around, isn't it? 1033 00:49:59,970 --> 00:50:02,176 - That's balance and poise. - It's boring. 1034 00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:04,696 I suppose you're gonna tell us it's the most practical car, James? 1035 00:50:04,720 --> 00:50:05,846 Well actually it is, you see. 1036 00:50:05,870 --> 00:50:07,176 Because you can get 2 people in the front, 1037 00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:09,596 2 in the back and a set of golf bats in the boot, 1038 00:50:09,620 --> 00:50:10,277 I checked that. 1039 00:50:10,301 --> 00:50:11,596 Oh very useful. 1040 00:50:11,620 --> 00:50:12,547 And it goes off the road... 1041 00:50:12,571 --> 00:50:14,946 You know it's no good for golf 'cause it's the least Pringly 1042 00:50:14,970 --> 00:50:16,896 and now you're telling this's got golf rackets in it. 1043 00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,276 Look at that - It's... It's not turned at all there, it understeered... 1044 00:50:19,300 --> 00:50:21,526 Look at this, really, I¡¯ve never seen a car oversteer... 1045 00:50:21,550 --> 00:50:22,976 He's using all the track, 1046 00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,126 - that's what... - He needs all the track, that's different. 1047 00:50:25,150 --> 00:50:29,426 It hasn't let... no, here we go, it'll just crash now, no, that was... 1048 00:50:29,450 --> 00:50:30,277 Beautiful. 1049 00:50:30,301 --> 00:50:31,746 Here we go, he's understeered... 1050 00:50:31,770 --> 00:50:34,246 - well, no he's got it in... yes. - Very neat, clip the apex. 1051 00:50:34,270 --> 00:50:36,726 - And here. - Steering accurately - Out of control. 1052 00:50:36,750 --> 00:50:39,526 We got oil coming out of the bottom, right, gentlemen, 1053 00:50:39,550 --> 00:50:41,426 behold the magnificent. 1054 00:50:41,450 --> 00:50:43,076 Oh you're off to the hair dresser, sir? 1055 00:50:43,100 --> 00:50:45,076 - Get off! - Hahaha. 1056 00:50:45,100 --> 00:50:46,426 Oh would you like any bred items? 1057 00:50:46,450 --> 00:50:48,746 I know you're thinking this is the old TT, 1058 00:50:48,770 --> 00:50:49,677 don't muddle them up, 1059 00:50:49,701 --> 00:50:51,896 that was for air hostesses, people who are orange. 1060 00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,326 This is the new one, it's a completely different animal, 1061 00:50:54,350 --> 00:50:57,396 this remember it's only the front wheel drive one, the baby one, look at it. 1062 00:50:57,420 --> 00:50:59,276 Front wheel drive, unlike a sports car, 1063 00:50:59,300 --> 00:51:00,396 which would have rear wheel drive. 1064 00:51:00,420 --> 00:51:01,546 Oh you just saw the back coming round there, 1065 00:51:01,570 --> 00:51:03,176 - it's got a little bit of left off over steer. - A little bit 1066 00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:05,246 I saw it, I saw the front nod. 1067 00:51:05,270 --> 00:51:06,426 Here we go, just watch this, 1068 00:51:06,450 --> 00:51:08,496 look at this, compare to your one James? 1069 00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:09,846 - It's worse. - Boy, that was so slow! 1070 00:51:09,870 --> 00:51:11,146 It's not worse. 1071 00:51:11,170 --> 00:51:13,426 It is worse, look, it's on the grass, it's almost on the grass. 1072 00:51:13,450 --> 00:51:16,376 The... right... honestly, this is a completely different animal 1073 00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,296 than the one we used to have. 1074 00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:21,376 - This is fast. Yes. - No. 1075 00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,246 Only the 2 Liter one, remember? 1076 00:51:23,270 --> 00:51:24,247 - Just the baby. - Miles out. 1077 00:51:24,271 --> 00:51:26,596 The V6 actually is nowhere near as good as this. 1078 00:51:26,620 --> 00:51:28,376 As we come up to the final corner. 1079 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,126 It's going to under steer off and crash. 1080 00:51:30,150 --> 00:51:31,077 Oh, it's done it, it's off the road. 1081 00:51:31,101 --> 00:51:32,420 It's just airborne. 1082 00:51:32,900 --> 00:51:36,346 Right, ready? 1083 00:51:36,370 --> 00:51:37,446 Time for the Audi 1084 00:51:37,470 --> 00:51:39,596 1:31.4, check it out. 1085 00:51:39,620 --> 00:51:41,176 I wouldn't... I wouldn't be so confident, 1086 00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:44,176 because you see my car, I think on a race track, 1087 00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:45,496 you'll find that... 1088 00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:49,276 Hahaha, five seconds. 1089 00:51:49,300 --> 00:51:52,126 Listen, you can stop being quite so cocky about it 1090 00:51:52,150 --> 00:51:54,846 because your Audi hasn't won anything yet. 1091 00:51:54,870 --> 00:51:58,426 Remember how it's been? It's not the best looking, it's the most expensive. 1092 00:51:58,450 --> 00:51:59,546 It's not the most practical. 1093 00:51:59,570 --> 00:52:01,996 Exactly and we're about to find out that it isn't the fastest either 1094 00:52:02,020 --> 00:52:03,600 when my Mazda beats it. 1095 00:52:06,150 --> 00:52:06,927 Damn... 1096 00:52:06,951 --> 00:52:08,176 No, no, no you've won. 1097 00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:09,296 I've lost. 1098 00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:11,426 No 'cause I'm gonna own up now. 1099 00:52:11,450 --> 00:52:13,926 Secretly all along I¡¯ve preferred the Alfa. 1100 00:52:13,950 --> 00:52:14,897 What? 1101 00:52:14,921 --> 00:52:18,096 No, I just know, I... seriously, I just... if it were my money, 1102 00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:19,676 that's what I¡¯d buy, 1103 00:52:19,700 --> 00:52:21,946 and I¡¯ll bet you any money it's the same for you. 1104 00:52:21,970 --> 00:52:22,677 Yeah. 1105 00:52:22,701 --> 00:52:24,626 Yes, I knew it, I knew it. 1106 00:52:24,650 --> 00:52:26,696 But, I'm sorry before you get too cocky, 1107 00:52:26,720 --> 00:52:29,826 I would not recommend one to a friend. 1108 00:52:29,850 --> 00:52:32,046 That's the thing, 'cause you... well you wouldn't, 1109 00:52:32,070 --> 00:52:33,096 you can't say ¡°Yes, go and buy an Alfa" 1110 00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:34,626 'Cause then they'll spend the rest of their life in a car 1111 00:52:34,650 --> 00:52:36,146 that just stays on the side of the motorway. 1112 00:52:36,170 --> 00:52:38,146 So I can't recommend one to a friend. Could you? 1113 00:52:38,170 --> 00:52:39,926 No, I wouldn't recommend one, no. 1114 00:52:39,950 --> 00:52:42,726 - E... E... would you? - Come on. 1115 00:52:42,750 --> 00:52:43,397 No, alright. 1116 00:52:43,421 --> 00:52:44,726 There you are, you see? You wouldn't. 1117 00:52:44,750 --> 00:52:46,896 So what we've managed to establish is 1118 00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:50,596 the best car here is the worst! 1119 00:52:50,620 --> 00:52:52,346 Yeah, wow we're good at this. 1120 00:52:52,370 --> 00:52:52,947 We are. 1121 00:52:52,971 --> 00:52:54,046 And that's the end of the show, 1122 00:52:54,070 --> 00:52:55,196 thank you very much for watching, 1123 00:52:55,220 --> 00:52:57,176 next week we've got a top gear special 1124 00:52:57,200 --> 00:52:58,819 see you then, good night. 1125 00:52:58,843 --> 00:53:03,843 Top Gear S09E02 TransGear subtitle team The Sim-Race Federation of China www.srfc.com.cn